Tag: satire

Posted on

Paul Thurrott Was Hospitalized After Watching New Apple Ads

Dedham, Masschusetts

On the evening of October 19th, 2008 Paul Thurrott was reportedly rushed to the local hospital. According to neighbors, loud strings of profanities were heard over 15 mile radius that Sunday evening. That prompted them to call 911. Paramedic, Firefighter and the Police arrived within a few minutes on the Thurrotts residence .

Upon arrival, Police found Thurrott screaming and yelling “I’m a P.C.!” repeatedly. It took 13 personnel to subdue violent Paul Thurrott.

In his padded cell, Thurrott mentioned that he will announce the “ultimate declaration of war against Apple” on Microsoft behalf on TWiT‘s Microsoft P.R. Weekly Windows Weekly podcast which he co-hosts with Leo Laporte.

Paul Thurrott, the original Microsoft Defender, apparently was watching the new Apple “Get A Mac” ads which were released on that fateful Sunday. According to doctors, Thurrott is lacking sense of humor as well as some common sense. Doctors also found that Thurrot is suffering from some sort of blindness, that causes him to be unconditionally loyal to Microsoft.

According to Leo Laporte, Paul Thurrott insisted that he would be available to record the next install ment of Viva La Microsoft Wekly Windows Weekly episode 80 this Thursday. Thurrott is expected to make a full recovery by then, and he will be cursing Apple for those new “Get A Mac” ads. Thurrott swears that he will bring Apple down for “all the lies” they have been spreading about Microsoft and Windows Vista. Thurrott also adds that he is the only tech journalist in the world who knows the truth about the great Microsoft.

Posted on

Apple Fake News: Something Code-named “Rabbit”

This just in! Since I can’t really explain what it is without springing all the traps set by Steve Jobs and his henchpersons, I’d have to use some other words that came to mind to describe what Apple is planning to unveil on September 9th  “Let’s Rock” event. That was such a run-on sentence.

Anyway, the first word that came to mind is “rabbit” when the imaginary Apple employee “accidentally” revealed the “mystery” product.

Remember that this is “fake” and don’t even think that it is real.

Posted on

California, New Hampshire, New York, and iPhone 3G.

July 21st, 2008

Some “sites” and “weblogs” on the series of tubes are talking about the current state of iPhone 3G in ummmm…… The States. The current availabilities as of July 21st, 2008 are as the followings:

What does this tell us? Pleasanton doesn’t care about the Black 16GB iPhone 3G. Meanwhile, New York City and Salem don’t care about White 16GB iPhone 3G.

Where does this post go? What is the meaning of this post? Nowhere and nothing.

Let’s blame AT&T for giving their own current and prospective customers hard times getting the iPhone 3G. Apparently some people were told to pay the unsubsidized price for the iPhone 3G. The worst part is that they are paying for it.

YIKES!

Posted on

“Why I Hate Your Blog-Post” The Comedy Series.

i•ro•ny |ˈīrənē; ˈiərnē|
noun ( pl. -nies)
the expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect : “Don’t go overboard with the gratitude,” he rejoined with heavy irony. See note at wit .

  • a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result : [with clause ] the irony is that I thought he could help me.
  • (also dra•ma•tic or trag•ic i•ro•ny) a literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character’s words or actions are clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character.

ORIGIN early 16th cent. (also denoting Socratic irony): via Latin from Greek eirōneia ‘simulated ignorance,’ from eirōn ‘dissembler.’

——-

one.
Please stop polluting the series of tubes with your post about something that you have no interest none whatsoever. I know you’re posting it because it is what people are interested about. You are only looking for attentions and hoping that your post get indexed by Google and get tons of hits. Yeah, I know. I can sense your AdSense account being prepped. Honestly I don’t want to read your stupid “Why I won’t be getting/buying/using/stealing/abusing ……..” post. Please stop! You’re cluttering the feed and the series of tubes.

two.
You are Paul Thurrott, Mr. Holier Than Thou, the original Microsoft Defender. I don’t understand why Leo Laporte let all of your psycho-babbles slide.  You don’t know anything else besides defending Microsoft. Stop pretending that you’re using Mozilla Firefox, Linux, and Mac OS X. You’re buying a MacBook so that you can install Windows on it? If you want a Windows PC, get a Windows PC. You feel the need to disect all statistic but one, Microsoft’s. When will you ever disect Microsoft’s claim on Windows Vista sales the way you disect the statistics for Linux, Macs, iPod, iPhone, condoms, popcorn, twinkies, etc.? Isn’t it obvious, Mr. Microsoft Insider? You’re always bragging about having access to Microsoft’s internal memos. That makes you a Microsoft whipping boy.

three.
Please take a look at your “c”, “v”, and “ctrl” or “command” keys on your keyboard. If they’re a bit worn more than other keys that mean you’ve been a busy plagiarizing slacker. Why bother having opened an account or two or three at WordPress.com, while all you have done is copying and pasting other people’s articles? Sure you’re kinda referencing the source, but that’s all pretty much you’ve done. Once again, please stop! As a bonus, please remove the stupidly annoying avatar you have for your WordPress account. All you’re doing is reposting contents from others without even understanding what you’re copying and pasting into your stupid blog.

four.
……. to be continued……. maybe……. sometimes soon.

Posted on

Metallica turns the Internet into 13-year-olds.

Love ’em or hate ’em, the mere mentions of “Metallica” turns the series of tubes into two giant 13-year-olds.

Take a look at the comments from Digg and Reddit, Metallica is still hated by many for whatever the reason is. On the other side, some diehard Metallica fans would defend their idols to the death.

It is obvious that Metallica had made some unpopular move in the past. They did the wrong thing for the right reason. Wait a minute, they did the right thing for the wrong reasons. OK, that’s a bit confusing. The point is that Metallica became the enemy when they sued Napster and their own fans (who used Napster to download Metallica songs). The original Napster got shutdown, but the apparent victim of this event was none other than Metallica’s reputations.

Metallica has taken a lot of heat since the release of “Metallica” a.k.a. “The Black Album” in 1991. Sad but true, many Metallica’s haters were not even born in 1991. The ultra-diehard Metallica fans didn’t like the radio-friendly Metallica, they wanted another “Master of Puppets”. Even though “The Black Album” put Metallica and Metal into the mainstream. Metallica gained humongous amount of fans after the release of “The Black Album”, only to be harshly criticized during the Load/ReLoad era. The departure from Metallica’s classic sound brought the band into the court of public opinion whether or not they were being a sell-out. Despite all of the criticism, Metallica still managed to draw the crowds to fill up arena and stadiums only a few bands in the world could.

Fast forward to “St. Anger”. The trash-can-like snare drum sounds, repetitive riffs and lyrics, and the absence of guitar solos, Metallica managed to bust tons of eardrums. Many fans were turned off by “St. Anger” and many would give Metallica one last chance.

“Death Magnetic”, Metallica’s ninth studio album is slated for release in September 2008. Metallica held a special listening party previewing the work in progress in London to select journalists/bloggers (Kerrang, Metal Hammer, The Quietus). Along came another controversy. Apparently, somebody at QPrime demanded the preview/early reviews to be taken down without Metallica’s consent.

Once again, the series of tubes turned into giant 13-year-olds. Comments on sites like Digg and Reddit clearly shows that Metallica is still hated. CNET’s own Don Reisinger who seems to be wearing bright red lipstick, posted some psycho babble about the fiasco by quoting Ars Technica which was quoting a blog that quoted the original source.

After the official statement from Metallica, Ars Technica corrected their article and removed the picture of Cliff Burton which was inappropriately used. Seriously, what Ars Technica did was tasteless and factually wrong. Cliff Burton has nothing to do with whatever Ars Technica wanted to say.

Metallica, one of the greatest band in the history, will grace the music world with “Death Magnetic”. The early reviews have been positive, and many of us are hopeful. Comes September, Metallica will have to prove that they are indeed still the mighty one that brought “Kill ‘Em All” and “Master of Puppets”. Based on what I heard so far, it is indeed the Metallica I remembered. For those who hates Metallica, please put down the keyboard and stop reading anything Metallica-related.

I for one am looking forward to “Death Magnetic” and would call it as I hear it.

Head over to Metallica.com and MissionMetallica.com for more Metallica.

Posted on

Metallica: Death Magnetic

Update:
If you’re looking for any leaks of the recording, get in line and head to Mission: Metallica for the next best thing.

The internet most hated band, Metallica has revealed the titled their yet to be finished albums. “Death Magnetic” is the title the band’s new album, a follow up to the 2003 sonic abortion titled “St. Anger”.

Grab some “Death Magnetic” Wallpaper from Metallica.com.

Metallica became the internet most hated band when the ill-advised Lars Ulrich declared war against Napster and its users back in 2000 Under the guidance of Howard King who also represented Dr. Dre and Red Hot Chili Pepper, Ulrich paved the warpath against Napster and its users. Such move became the catalyst to the birth of anti-Metallica movement, solidify the band’s title as internet most hated band.

Metallica once was the mightiest band in the world with seminal records such as “Kill ‘Em All” and “Master of Puppets”, became the end of many jokes. Camp Chaos enjoyed huge success for parodying the Metallica v. Napster fiasco. Metallica seems to have lost their edge, especially after releasing “Load” and “ReLoad” in 1996 and 1997 respectively. Shortly after Napster fiasco, Metallica lost Jason Newsted who had been with the band since 1987. The end of Metallica seemed to be inevitable.

In 2003, Metallica re-emerge with “St. Anger”, dubbed as one of the worst sounding recording ever, especially with the drums. Metallica still managed to draw phenomenally large crowd on their tour all around the world. Metallica stayed in the public eye for the now infamous documentary “Some Kind Of Monster” in 2004. The documentary showed the turmoils within the band’s life. How could the world’s biggest band be in such situation. They couldn’t even write decent songs. Many diehard fans could only hope that the addition of Robert Trujillo would revive Metallica and once again deliver the music to love.

Here we are five years after “St. Anger”, Metallica announced their ninth studio album titled “Death Magnetic”. The first album written and recorded with Robert Trujillo as a member. This time Metallica tapped Rick Rubin as their producer. Yet, once again, Metallica couldn’t stay away from controversy even when the band themselves didn’t do anything. In June 2008, Metallica was accused of bullying some bloggers to take down reviews of their unfinished songs. Upon the news, the internet once again crowned Metallica as their most hated band. Shortly after, the band revealed that they were shocked by this allegation, and found out that the band’s own management, Q-Prime was acting without their consent. As usual, the damage is done. This somehow proves that it is easy to start controversy on the internet. Metallica is yet still the internet most hated band.

Despite of all the negativity, no one would be able to deny the legacy of Metallica. The year 2008 marks the 25 year anniversary to “Kill ‘Em All”, Metallica’s official debut album. This means Metallica is eligible for “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” starting this year. Unfortunately, they are yet to be nominated to receive the honor.

“Death Magnetic” is tentatively scheduled for release in September 2008. Would Metallica be able to regain the respect they once had? I guess for those who care have to wait until September. So far, the reviews have been good for Metallica. The way it goes right now, we all be treated to a great album from a legendary band named Metallica.